and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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