fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
