whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
