fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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