I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
