Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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