At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
