ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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