In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
