If that was your dad, he is hot
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize