Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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