i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
