Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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