Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
