kristin has been a bad kristin
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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