is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
People in love make me want to vomit
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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