No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
