well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
