She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
