from now on my penis is your penis
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
ok first of all what the fuck
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
