I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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