Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
