At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
