the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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