I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
