I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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