I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
