It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
