Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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