I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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