just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
