I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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