i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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