Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dear god my vagina.
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