Pants 0. Shit 1.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
