You made me cry and you don't even care
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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