Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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