She announced her abortion via fbk
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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