She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize