His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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