i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
