If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
