4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
