Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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