I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
