i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
