He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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