I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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