Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize