All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
