Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
