so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
