Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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