So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
