i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
