i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize