people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize