my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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