If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
