I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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