I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
