My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
