everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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