People in love make me want to vomit
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize