I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
