it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
