I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
