Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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